Authorities and friends of the Adult Entertainment Industry have concluded another disappointing day of searching for missing porn star Veronica Vivacious after she fell into a plot hole nearly 4 days ago.
"It feels as though we have exhausted all possibilities," says masturbator Kenneth Christian. "I don't know where else we can look; but we are not going to lose hope. This kind of thing has happened before without causing any permanent damage."
It's true. Porn stars have been lost in plot holes before, but according to researchers, the plot hole Veronica Vivacious fell into was more massive than anything they had ever seen before.
"This isn't your typical 'Pizza-delivery boy' plot hole," said Pornographic Theologian Francis Rosewater. "The movie Veronica was starring in involved time travel, well-hung aliens from a distant galaxy, as well as leprechauns who give people their sex upon reaching the end of the rainbow. It's--it's a complete a mess."
The man responsible for this catastrophe is 19 year old screenwriter Billy Durham, who commented to reporters, "I know there were some things wrong with my script that needed some finesse, a little touching-up, as it were; but Jesus! I didn't know I could create the biggest plot hole in porno history! I just figured that Veronica could sex her way out of any scene and distract the viewer away from the script's mistakes. Maybe a porn star with higher caliber than Veronica could do it, but it's too late for recasting the role."
Drastic steps are being taken in order to rescue Veronica Vivacious, and requests have been made to actual screenwriters from Hollywood to somehow create a literary bridge for her to escape the murky depths of the plot chasm created by the inexperienced Durham.
"I've read this 'script' over and over again," said screenwriter Charlie Kaufman, writer of Being John Malkovich, and Adaptation. "and I am pulling my hair out trying to figure out how to fix this miserable, horrific screenplay. I mean, where is Veronica? Is she with the Aliens, is she in 17th century Europe, or is she having sex at the end of the rainbow? I just don't know, I really don't know! But I'm a huge fan of Veronica's, and I will do everything in my creative power to get her out."
With both Hollywood and the Adult Entertainment Industry working hand in hand during these troubled times, the mood is more positive regarding the recovery of Veronica Vivacious, and many are hoping to recover Veronica by early next week, and the world can continue with their normal masturbatory schedule.