8:30 PM Local Time, 600 US troops in a coordinated assault on a mud walled Tikrit compound Dec 14 2003 captured what may arguably be one of the vilest individuals ever to walk the face of this here wonderful planet we call earth, former Iraqi Dictator Saddam Hussein.
What US military investigators were not expecting was to find a crismon red fur lined bag, red hat and a planned military operations folder penned by some of the former regime's highest ranking Bath Party officials detailing a plan to get Saddam Hussein out of the country.
This translated excerpt of the former regime's military operations planned was released today by the United States Department of Defense:
* Stage 1: Add a chimney to the mud hut
* Stage 2: Hang Christmas stockings by fireplace
* Stage 3: Wait for December 24
* Stage 4: When red coated man comes down chimney, grab him
* Stage 5: Replace Santa Claus with Saddam Claus (depicted above)
* Stage 6: Steal reindeer, flying low to elude coalition radar.
* Stage 7: Fly to North Pole and take over North Polean labor force
* Stage 8: Develop new weapons of mass destruction utilizing the resources of Santa's Workshop
* Stage 9: Return to Iraq triumphant
"Now why didn't we think of that?" President Bush was reported as saying. "It's pretty darn genius if you ask me."
In a related incident, actor Shawn Penned was arrested on the outskirts of Tikrit with a letter addressed to the Iraqi dictator written in Iraqi. The letter was a letter of encouragement for the operation and with an offer made by the actor to the ex-dictator to drive the sleigh that would extricate the former Iraqi leader to freedom. The letter cited Penned's vast experience as a reindeer team driver and also cited his willingness to serve as a human shield should any reindeer bombs threaten to land on the Iraqi populace.
Note: The Cynic Online Magazine would like to extend our congratulations and support for those wonderful women and men who serve our country in a dangerous time and dangerous places as members of the United States Armed Forces. Happy Holidays to all of you from us at The Cynic Online Magazine.